The Battle

A couple of them are sulking in the corner. I try not to be distracted because I'm too busy battling it out with those that are around. There are silver swords made of tears gleaming in the moonlight and they slash right, left and centre. I hop around and try to quieten those that are silently screaming at me with faceless voices. I understand. That is probably why the fight I'm putting up hardly has any heart in it.

Either I was stupid to throw them down the well in the first place, or the stupidity has just begun. There was no need to come down looking for them but a few hours ago that's what I was doing; travelling down the dark cylindrical walls of a well in a rusty metal bucket that hadn't been used in ages.

A few years ago, when I threw them in, they drowned without a splash and it was a clean death. Now, I am wading in murky waters with an algae eating turtle swimming dolefully around. I have to win it. I have to make them come back up to the surface with me because if I don't then we will all die at the bottom of this well in anonimity. They don't want me to win, but if I don't, they will never forgive me for it...

Search

Last night I dreamt of all the people I have loved, miss and will love. There seemed to be a lot and then none at all.

I found my dreams, hopes and wishes at the bottom of the ocean in a wooden box with a padlock on it. I wondered at the superfluous captivity because the water had seeped through the wood and all my belongings were simply a dirty mess mired in a bog of salt.

There was a blue boat on the surface and each bob on the water was a promise of the future to come. The sun's rays beckoned, shimmering and twinkling like a diamond net that one could swim into.

And then I saw me, with one leg firmly tied to an anchor buried deep in the sea bed, trying to repair the box with a few of my last breaths...

I Want...

I want life to be simple. I want to know what I used to know. I also want to not know what I know now. I don't want to be a thinker. I don't want to be the over analytical, crazily practical, boring adult that I have become. I want to be the gorgeous, demented, funny, downright awesome person I thought I'd grow into.  I want to be able to explain myself. I want to be able to not expect. I want to be able to fall asleep with thoughts that won't have anything to do with groceries or cooking or responsibilities. I want to wake up in the mornings to warm, bustling rooms. I don't want to wander around an empty house at 3 in the morning and miss my mother like crazy. I want to forget things at home and have someone call me to tell me I forgot them. I want to come home to chilled glasses of lemonade. I don't want to stand with a bunch of keys in my hand in front of a locked door. I want someone to ask me what I would like to eat. I don't want to have to wrack my brains every evening to come up with a decent meal. I want to understand how I work. I don't want others to figure me out. I want to be ecstatically happy. I want to remember the last time I really laughed. I want to start living...