The Time When I Was Married To A Cook!

Once upon a time, there was a king and a queen.
The queen as horrid as the king was mean.

They lived in a castle near the hills,
and signed their cheques with rotten quills!

Their children went to the local school,
and spent most of their time on the dunce's stool.

The prince was named Iore,
and the princess was Daisy,
He was a bore,
while she was plain lazy.

The prince and princess had been in school forever,
part of the reason being they weren't very clever!

The queen spent her days writing a book,
while the king spent his time learning how to cook...

In the kitchens, the king reigned supreme,
even though he insisted on serving chicken with cream!

The royal children came home one day,
saying that the school had sent them away.

The king declared a war was in order,
even though the school was inside his own border!

The prince and princess got ready for battle,
and being very dumb replaced cavalry with cattle.

The people of the kingdom rose up in revolt,
and ceased to supply the castle with salt.

The king in the kitchens was not amused,
since salt in cooking just had to be used!

The queen meanwhile, panicked and fled,
taking with her all the king's bread!

The prince and princess followed in her wake,
stealing as many of the cows as they could take.

The king in the kitchens was left all alone,
and became a cook after giving up his throne.

Now he had salt and lots of bread,
and didn't give a damn if the queen was lost or dead.

Iore and Daisy who'd followed their mother,
were turned out on the street after she wed another!

As for the queen, she finished her book,
it was called: "The Time When I Was Married To A Cook!"

Oohs and Aahs

Orange and gold bangles,
mist in the air,
big strong hands
and kisses everywhere.

I spent the better part of the morning wrapping a present in blue and gold handmade paper and then tying it with pink and gold string. Beautiful. I keep looking at it and feeling happy. It's a good week. There are countless messages on my phone and lots of plans to make with lots of people. Not to mention the weather is fricking awesome! Just the kind for long drives.. which we managed to do last night! I'm slightly concerned about my phone addiction though. Sigh.. I'm in the mood to write letters..

Two and a Half Men

How do men do it? How do they always have their radars reading signals that are not even there? It's disappointing. Some things I'd like the men to know:

1. When we call you up to get someone else's number it is not an excuse! Honestly we're just not bothered enough to find a better way to do it.

2. Also if we call you up at a certain time of the night there is no need to read too much into it. Most of us are insomniacs and sleep during the day if ever and need someone to stay up with them.

3. If we laugh at something you say it is not because you are funny but because we find you and your sense of humour pathetic and ridiculous. Most of us who are above 20 no longer do the seductive giggle tactics on the phone! Especially never to prolong sleepless nights!

4. If you think you are witty and you are not please do not try to drive the person up the wall by simply repeating the thing you think is witty in different tones!

5. If you are aware that your wit is below average and your humour stale, resist the temptation to tell a well practised joke. The chances are that you will mess that up as well.

6. If you own a goldfish and somehow never tire of talking about it, marry it. Do not invite the person you are talking to to the ceremony.

7. If you have past girlfriends that were just like you, marry them and chuck the goldfish. Do not obsess about them to the other person over and over until they wish to kill you both.

8. If you think you are like any of the characters in Boston Legal, keep it to yourself. Constantly saying "Denny Crane" in little bursts does not give you the right to be so annoying.

9. If you think certain parts of my anatomy are appealing try not to make it obvious by staring. When I catch you staring do not try to stare me down. It is not polite.

10. If you believe in getting laid simply say so. No one is going to judge you. We will judge you if you declare you do not believe in it, because then you're just a weird guy.

Today

Last night was painful. My rage wouldn't let me sleep. So I tossed and turned and went over a thousand things in my head. Whatever justification I gave, the hurt inside me lingered and distorted my behaviour. I was tired. I was exhausted with what I thought I could resist and what continued to persist. So I let it wash over me.
I let myself feel guilty for a good five minutes and the pain too. I remained totally miserable for a good 25 minutes and then I let go.
I'm different. Was different and always will be. It is not that some things are pointless. It is that to the things you are not the point.

Small Things

Yesterday was a good day. I met someone I used to know and was pleasantly surprised to see that he had changed. Gone was the swagger and the weird lilts in the voice. It had all been beautifully replaced with calm, courteous charm. Except the eyes. They still danced.
It was as if nothing had changed. He asked me if I still had a flaming temper and I retorted by asking him about his pathetic taste in women. He grabbed me into this gruff hug and nearly lifted me clean off the ground. As I stood back shyly he grinned and said " still doing your whole reserved deal huh?"
"no I'm not!" I scowled back.

As I looked at him, I picked out the familiar mixed with the new. He wore a scent I didn't recognise but his smell was still the same. He always ended up laughing at his own jokes before he even finished telling them and I loved that he wore a shirt with a collar. He still hadn't grown up though. As I talked with lots of hand gestures and lots of big words thrown in for good effect, he smiled at me the old way, tilted his head to one side and declared: "your teeth are still crooked!!".
It was the first time I'd laughed in days. And once I started I couldn't stop and then burst into tears (I was probably hungry and sleepy and everything else combined). He somehow managed to laugh at that too and I sat there and sulked.

When I got up to leave, he held out a pencil. A brand new beautiful pencil with an eraser on top. I smiled. I love stationary. And I loved that he had remembered. It was so simple. Small things.. that's all it takes.. small things.