It's late

It's late.
I was just thinking how everything is organised chaos. And we as humans congratulate ourselves on having been able to box that chaos. It's like people on a bus. Or thoughts inside the brain. Grey matter encasing absolute pandemonium inside the cranium. It's worrying to think of all that being unleashed. Maybe someone thought it out prudently. I get an obscure image in my head of various coloured liquids in different vials being stored inside a container. Once they break inside and the liquids overlap there is a churning sea of colours. Of course, the container is closed. The outward appearance is that of calm.

Rule

We are slaves to our beliefs. What we have imbibed and grown up with are our dictators. We tend to use them as bases of judgement, and as guides to our behaviour and to our most intimate actions. The realisation is disconcerting because it comes with the revelation that we can accept this reality but do little to change it. Childhood was better. The beliefs like us were young and easily moulded into convenient companions.

Fathom

He wanted to know why he was so restless and moody. He wanted to know why I was the same but different. Things bogged him down. Things spurred me on. As I looked at his face I realised that mine reflected in his eyes wasn't carrying that same expression. Time lay heavy upon his countenance whereas my aura looked like a water fairy trying to catch wisps of it to entwine in it's hair. Neither one of us had calm.
Inside, I had this fire which roared at all times and needed to be fed to maintain it's fierceness, it's fieryness. His insides were like a lake, deep and clear, into which everything sank without a trace.
I now understand. It is like air and water. Air bubbles in the water always pop. They sink without a trace. And in it's wrath, Fire evaporates.

Will U Do Frandship With Me?

I have accounts on both Orkut and Facebook. However, it’s on Orkut that one is more randomly accessible and therefore approached. Nearly every day I get scraps from random guys asking me to be friends with them in various mutated forms of the English language. It’s usually very entertaining and most of them I keep to read out to my friends over the phone. Some of them go like this:

Hi, Hello. Friends?

Hello, My name is _____ , will you frands?

A SWWETEST HI TO A SWEETET GAL WHO IS EVEN MORE SWEETER THAN MY HI ...

Hi can wanna frnd me. Nice ur photo… (this is one of my favourite ones)

Hello.wnt to do FrAnDsHiP with me?! (the classic)

Today while deleting my scrapbook these scraps made me think about what that word has actually come to mean. I think we all confuse mere acquaintances with friends and are seriously disillusioned with the whole concept of the term. Before I am misconstrued, let me clear that I am fully aware of the psyche behind these scraps and wasn’t expecting a deep nurturing friendship to come out of any of these forced one sided dialogues. The whole emphasis on the word friend just made me start thinking.

When I was young my behavior catered to the then prevalent weird notions of friendship. In my head it meant a system of exchange in which you gave and took accordingly and therefore established a cordial balance with others of your age. This was the uncomplicated age where you didn’t care what people thought so if while playing hopscotch your “friends” didn’t bring chalk to draw the lines when it was their turn you all promptly turned your back on them and successfully ostracized them from the group until appeasement efforts the next day in the form of peace offerings of chalk and pebbles. Friendship meant lending pretty pencils to friends for them to do their homework with. Of course, the friendship was over if it was discovered that the pencil had been sharpened too much.

As we grow older, we begin to realize that friendship is not about pencils or chalk. It’s about you. It’s about how you are as a person and what kind of people bring out the best in you. When you choose to be friends with someone you’re making a choice of making that person a part of your life. That is why close friendships (best friends and the like) are very few and are seldom successful. Friendship evolves into an intricate dancing game with age where you have to sidestep and step into, and around and about the other person.

The childhood version of me in my past would mock me if it saw me now. She would brag about having more friends than it was possible to remember and about how she got invited to more birthdays than was humanely possible to attend and how after school her house would have the door crowded with “friends” begging her to come and play at all the hours of long afternoons.
Somehow, I’m happier now. Sure, all my close friends can be counted using all the fingers of one hand but I’m much more satisfied with what friendship has come to mean at this stage of life. Because we’re all still young, I like how it simply means letting the other person be and helping them being ok with what they are. It simply means conversations, movies, silence, comfort, experiences, endless discussions and the knowledge that there is one person with you who will stand by you through thick and thin.

Yes, I am fairly content with my “Frandships” .