It's become a tug of war. With people and events. By the end of it you wonder if you even care.
A few weeks ago I received an email from someone I have spent years hating. I read and had nothing but disdain and contempt for them. The fact that I still had some sor of feeling was disturbing. I knew them at a time when I was just out of school and trying to grow up right. I gave that up a year ago. Now I'm just growing up in a lopsided manner with messed up views and staunch principles.
Experimentaion. Seems to be the rule of the day these days. This is what some of the most annoying conversations sound like:
"So you don't drink?!!" followed by weird contortions of the face in astonishment accompanied with a lopsided judgemental grin. As if I've suddenly grown a tail.
"Not really, I don't like the taste." I say honestly. Because I am stupid. This is met with more judgemental snickers. In my mind I have already stopped bothering because I realise that I'm talking to a dumb fuck. He persists however. As is the habit with dumb fucks.
"So nothing at all?! What do you do to get hammered?" His face is ugly. I want to punch it.
"I don't get hammered." I reply and start examining my nails.
"Shit, dude.. you're some chick... !" He drawls. I really want to punch him. I want to see if the various rings I'm wearing will leave a mark on his face.
"Are you retarded?" I ask.
It is not a good feeling to feel tired at the age of 22. Emotionally and mentally sapped of all ability to care. It's the one thing I used to have in abundance. The ability to fret. Now, I just give up on things. There are no more tears. No more angst. And it's a strange high to be done with people before they're done with you. The one with the nice smile I was done with two weeks ago. The one before that with the long fingers just wouldn't let go. So I left him standing in a busy street and walked off. There was one yesterday who pretends to know these things. Women and all sorts of things. I think I'll let him pretend and be done with him today.
A few weeks ago I received an email from someone I have spent years hating. I read and had nothing but disdain and contempt for them. The fact that I still had some sor of feeling was disturbing. I knew them at a time when I was just out of school and trying to grow up right. I gave that up a year ago. Now I'm just growing up in a lopsided manner with messed up views and staunch principles.
Experimentaion. Seems to be the rule of the day these days. This is what some of the most annoying conversations sound like:
"So you don't drink?!!" followed by weird contortions of the face in astonishment accompanied with a lopsided judgemental grin. As if I've suddenly grown a tail.
"Not really, I don't like the taste." I say honestly. Because I am stupid. This is met with more judgemental snickers. In my mind I have already stopped bothering because I realise that I'm talking to a dumb fuck. He persists however. As is the habit with dumb fucks.
"So nothing at all?! What do you do to get hammered?" His face is ugly. I want to punch it.
"I don't get hammered." I reply and start examining my nails.
"Shit, dude.. you're some chick... !" He drawls. I really want to punch him. I want to see if the various rings I'm wearing will leave a mark on his face.
"Are you retarded?" I ask.
It is not a good feeling to feel tired at the age of 22. Emotionally and mentally sapped of all ability to care. It's the one thing I used to have in abundance. The ability to fret. Now, I just give up on things. There are no more tears. No more angst. And it's a strange high to be done with people before they're done with you. The one with the nice smile I was done with two weeks ago. The one before that with the long fingers just wouldn't let go. So I left him standing in a busy street and walked off. There was one yesterday who pretends to know these things. Women and all sorts of things. I think I'll let him pretend and be done with him today.
:)
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