REM

I love me. I love me not. I love me. I love me not... As I tossed and turned in my bed last night falling in and out of conscious slumber or dreamlike wakefulness I kept dreaming that I was me and someone else. I held me by the shoulders and tried to convince myself that it was all a dream... it shouldn't have been difficult. I had REM to help me out.

A phone was ringing somewhere in the past. It was deafening because it was an echo. I turned over to pick it up and realised that I couldn't speak. I was staring at myself from the ceiling, my invisible form aglow with the passing of traffic lights shaped like bars from a cage. They melted over me and disappeared and I realised with a shock that I was about to burst with all the light. Maybe this was what unintended Nirvana felt like. My Nirvana would not be peaceful or free. It would mean bliss because after an explosion of light the pieces of me would drift down from the ceiling and fold over me like a blanket. Together and collected again I would at last be free to restrain myself.

The cat and mouse chase would then begin again... He loves me.. he loves me not.. he loves me.... but I love me not.. he loves me (immaterial), I shan't, can't, won't love him not! I will love ME not!