Cover

Water bubbles in the air and dim lights. There's me and someone else. Time flies for it is prudent. Stagnant would be two if I had my way. There is music and it grows louder slowly because it knows I am Scared. I decide to dance and the lights get dimmer until I know it's alright to kick off my shoes. I begin to twirl. Barefoot.

Saturday

So, Shani must have been really pissed off yesterday. It must have sat in one of those diamond shaped boxes on my astrological chart and decided to see how far it could jump to wreck as much as possible in as little time as possible. Not it's fault. I'd probably feel that way too if I had to be part of my chart.

I'm waiting for all of it to hit me. I'm waiting for my little fuzzy wisps of happiness to be whisked away by the looming reality of something that I can't see right now.

I would if I could, I shouldn't and I probably won't be able to even if I tried...

The Fall

Yesterday, I fell off my cliff. The one that everyone has. I scrambled back up though. That is what I do.

REM

I love me. I love me not. I love me. I love me not... As I tossed and turned in my bed last night falling in and out of conscious slumber or dreamlike wakefulness I kept dreaming that I was me and someone else. I held me by the shoulders and tried to convince myself that it was all a dream... it shouldn't have been difficult. I had REM to help me out.

A phone was ringing somewhere in the past. It was deafening because it was an echo. I turned over to pick it up and realised that I couldn't speak. I was staring at myself from the ceiling, my invisible form aglow with the passing of traffic lights shaped like bars from a cage. They melted over me and disappeared and I realised with a shock that I was about to burst with all the light. Maybe this was what unintended Nirvana felt like. My Nirvana would not be peaceful or free. It would mean bliss because after an explosion of light the pieces of me would drift down from the ceiling and fold over me like a blanket. Together and collected again I would at last be free to restrain myself.

The cat and mouse chase would then begin again... He loves me.. he loves me not.. he loves me.... but I love me not.. he loves me (immaterial), I shan't, can't, won't love him not! I will love ME not!

Love

Love...is a race. It's an adrenaline fueled competition. We're kidding ourselves. It's all about us. It's not about the other person. It's all about how good we feel, or how bad. We thus use people as mediums of psychological gratification and then subconsciously pretend that they are the centre of our universe. They're not. We are the centre of our universe. In reality, we don't give a damn about the other person. We give a damn about what will happen to us and the insatiable emptiness if that person steps out of our little dream box and a replacement is slow in coming.

Love is basically a sadistic little game based on ego. You win if yours is bigger! You lose if you're responsible for inflating another's. You should be ashamed of yourself if someone is able to count on you. You are supposed to be proud as can be if someone is driving others crazy because of you. Love exists because not everyone is a hero. Because nowadays there's not enough things going wrong to engage people in sword duels and be done with little bursts of frustration. Today, it's people against people. Weapon against Weapon.

So can love last forever? Yes, and no. It doesn't last if the game's played by the rules. It lasts if the game has elements of cheating, intrigue and stale mates.