Purge

I wish I could scream. I wish that there was some place that you could go to and then just scream it all out. It'd save a lot of people a whole lot of trouble.

There are impressions of me that do not match. There are definitions that do not fit and there are lies which are sometimes so true it's insulting to have to believe otherwise.
Every single day, there are voices in my head and it's like they killed my angel and buried it somewhere so that all I can hear is myself and them.
I wish I could scream. I hope that when I finally do it, I will be understood.

Choke

"You leave me with a foul taste in my mouth."

I begin to plead silently for little parts of me to erode away into dignified oblivion somewhere..
By the end of it everyone is a stranger.
The space fills quickly with reverberating echoes of rancor and hate.

Sleep Visions

She smoothens his hair back from his forehead and leans in to kiss him. A deep slow embrace with hesitant whispers in his ears which leaves me with an emptiness that makes my sleep pretend to slumber and wakefulness a dream..
I hate drunk people.

Sometimes when I lie with my eyes shut and breathing regular, I can feel sleep tossing and turning inside me. Dark men in dark clothing stand and whisper sullenly by my bedside. Once I have even felt a gentle carressing of the neck and frigid kisses from lips belonging to someone with a voice made of velvet.

Often the room is filled with the weeping sounds of a small boy. Afraid of the dark he is. He tells me that people follow him around the dark house and he unwittingly leads them back to my bed and into his sleep visions. I hold him in tight embrace and sing him a lullaby about mine.

When it's finally pink outside, sleep discards us...

Search

Last night I dreamt of all the people I have loved, miss and will love. There seemed to be a lot and then none at all.

I found my dreams, hopes and wishes at the bottom of the ocean in a wooden box with a padlock on it. I wondered at the superfluous captivity because the water had seeped through the wood and all my belongings were simply a dirty mess mired in a bog of salt.

There was a blue boat on the surface and each bob on the water was a promise of the future to come. The sun's rays beckoned, shimmering and twinkling like a diamond net that one could swim into.

And then I saw me, with one leg firmly tied to an anchor buried deep in the sea bed, trying to repair the box with a few of my last breaths...