i LIVE a Lie

I live a lie.

I live and lie. 

I lie and live.

It helps me be. 

All of life.

All of this, 

sense of grief,

the youngness

the youth

the lying down

and the stepping stones

of fibs

create the farce you and I breathe.

Your guilt and my hubris

those nymph twins

pretending

that all of this is...

Smother

You give me the life I live and yet you take it from me

breath by breath, sigh by sigh

When you succeed, perhaps I will leave my anguish behind

as a small token of my gratitude.

You, so smug and triumphant in your make believe of past lifetimes

are mine

through and through.

As your nurturing hands slowly strangle the life out of me, I wonder if you realise

I may not have another to even die in.

Your trying to make me live in dark smoky chambers

stifles me so.

Resent you I do. But then you grudge me no less.

Sacrifice

For wherever you choose to flit my love,
I shall accompany you.
In the dark abyss of my thrashing grey,
I shall let an annoying bird twitter.
I will swim in the tears of welled up eyes
and use the salt
to murder it.
For no one will hear cries in the abyss
and I shall be
with you
in peace...

_ 6/06/2008

Think Think

When I was small I was reprimanded for being thoughtless. I was counseled to think twice before taking steps or saying things and was overall discarded as a child without the potential to think things through. Things have changed now. Somehow. Now I think too much. And that's a bad thing too. My inability to let things be and to take things as they come is proving to be quite a hindrance in me being able to maintain some semblance of mental peace. In fact this inability is making me think a lot more!
It's stupid. I can't remember the last time I was sure.

Shield

Dew made the blanket heavy. She was sleeping next to a grave. Dreaming perhaps. Eyelids heavy with tears made the slumber even more peaceful. It was cold, damp and uncomfortable. It was a curse. She dared not smile, not even in her sleep.

I can't leave this place. I don't want to. I need to be here for him and her and them and everyone. You musn't worry. I'm alright.

We must do something. What? Change it. Change her? Why? She seems adamant...

I must get back to sleep. Please just watch over me. Make sure I don't wake up.